Archive for Real Men of Genius

Real Men of Genius: Part Two

Today we salute you, Mr. Fresh Pepper and Parmesan Cheese Grater 

(Mr. Fresh Pepper and Parmesan Cheese Graterrrrrrr)

When out for a delicious meal, you’re always by our side…generously offering your exclusive and  excessively long, brown food grinding-rod. You’re not just a waiter…you’re  far more special..always there to provide us with much needed seasoning and a reminder that our jobs aren’t really that bad after all.

(May I top your saladdddddd?)

Sure, the chef prepared this mighty feast from scratch…but  you have a monopoly over the missing ingredients culinary giants have been unable to get their hands on for years….fresh pepper and cheese. 

(Let me know whennnnnn)

Once the deed is done…you are gone with the wind….only to swoop in like Clark Kent when duty calls again.

(Your pepper’s not freshhhh)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Fresh Pepper and Parmesan Cheese Grater, because a man like you truly knows how to “spice” things up a bit.

(Mr. Fresh Pepper and Parmesan Cheese Graterrrrrrr) 

Real Men of Genius: Part 1

In honor of one of the greatest advertising campaigns of the 21st century (launched for Bud Light in 1999), I’d like to begin a potentially ongoing blog-series paying tribute to those who have have reached Real Men of Genius status in my mind.

Today we salute you… Mr. Flem-Capturing Handkerchief Lover.

(Mr. Flem-Capturing Handkerchief Loverrrrrrr)

Too sophisticated for Kleenex, you prefer hurling your snot-rockets into your great- grandfather Irving’s beloved mucus rag. Your nasal neatening skills show true class, as there are few things more elegant than stuffing a re-usable booger sponge into the inner pocket of your freshly pressed Hugo Boss suit.

(I got it at Men’s Warehouseeeeeee)

You think you’re being traditional and sanitary when wiping your nose with that absorbent cotton square, but in doing so, you’re contributing to the proliferation of the most inexplicably tolerated disguting behavior known to mankind.

(Watch me unfold itttttttt)

Like a chivalrous knight, you graciously offer your prized possession to others when duty calls. Always there to lend a hand for a nostril in distress. “I wash it,” you say.

(Did somebody sneezeeeeeeee?)

So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, Mr. Flem Capturing Handkerchief Lover, because a gentleman like you really “nose” the way to a lady’s heart.

(Mr. Flem-Capturing Handkerchief Loverrrrrrr)